Welcome to ‘A Clique For Men’! Linktr.ee/ACliqueForMen
Welcome to your neighborhood nudie bar! Come in, have a seat, check out all the pretty girls. Oh, look! Here comes one now. But why is she fully clothed? I’ll tell you: because she’s me, your nudie bar waitress–here to tell you about our two drink minimum…
“Two drinks!” you scream, “they didn’t tell us at the door!”
Let me explain, idiot:
They don’t tell you that at the door because they don’t want to scare you cheap bastards off. See, you come in, you see a naked dancing lady, chances are, even the cheap mofo’s want to stay. You’ll probably be too distracted by the live pussy to notice the signs on all the tables that say, “two drink minimum.” So I’ve been hired at minimum wage to inform you.
I don’t tell you this. Instead, I smile, and in the sweetest, bubbliest voice minimum wage can buy, I say,
“It’s not the doorman’s job to tell you about the two drink minimum, it’s MY job!”
I hold a little sign with all the drinks and prices on it in front of you and ask kindly, “What would you like?”
You ignore the sign and say, “I’ll have a Budweiser.”
This is where I change my tone to sad and empathetic.
“We don’t serve alcohol,” I explain, “It’s illegal in San Diego to have full nudity and alcohol.”
I feel you. I understand. You make me want to drink.
Other times, I think, good try, little under-21 punk. You only got in because it’s an 18 and up club.
You finally look at the sign I’ve patiently held in front of your face. This is where you exclaim loudly, “$4.25 for a COKE?!!”
Inwardly, I sigh. Outwardly, I correct,
“$8.50. You have to buy two.”
I sense your confusion, (not too good at math, eh?) so I explain again,
“It’s a TWO drink minimum.”
You’re speechless.Continue reading